Sickness Became Me

Been down since this Monday. Damn! I should take better care of myself. Eat healthier foods, go exercise and follow a more structured sleeping rountine. But of course, I did not. So now I'm still suffering (Seriously! SUFFFEEEERRINNG!) from crazy fever and depresive Tonsilitis.

I confirmed the fact that I'm super moody, cranky and magnificently un-productive when I'm sick. I've been laying on bed whenever I got the chance too since Monday. Lost some weight too. Swallowing anything has been like shoving stones and pebbles down my throat. Excruciatingly painful to bear, effingly annoying to wait for this to stop. (War Cry to my throat: You will not get me! Hell ya I'm gonna drink chilled yogurt drinks and stop eating solid foods!)

Nothing much I could do, or rather I wanted to do these past few days. Highlight of my days (well, at least for these few days...) is reading 'Map of the Invisible World' by Tash Aw. Oh! I thank him for his smooth story telling. Really soothened my pain.

I don't like it when people start bombarding me with calls EVERYTIME I'm sick! Especially those who called and ignored the fact that I'm literally speechless and continued with their noise pollution! Heck! I can't even stand lullaby being played at low volume! Do you really think I was listening to your stupid emo-babbling about breaking up with your boyfriend?

So please put down your end of the phone nicely and switch to texting me when I'm telling you that I'm sick. Don't be a bitch because I'm gonna be wasting your phone credit by putting my phone somewhere (far)away from my hearing...

Dear God! Please heal me... I'm withering into non-existence and I'm sad that I can't work (and play). Thank You for Your kind and always generous TLC. Amen.

When are you coming???

I need time...
I need space...
I need energy...
I need passion...
I need bravery...
I need certainty...
I need my soul...
I need my time...
I need my love...

When are you coming???

Bummed...

There's this author named Neil Gaiman,
Whose stories are enjoyed by this man;
This man got himself almost all his books,
He swore to get them all, by hooks or by crooks;
"Smokes and Mirrors" was picked up one day,
This man was planning to read it in a day;
But then this man suddenly realised,
That the stories inside were full of suprises;
A hidden story as undelivered wedding gift,
A chopped arm as Mr Fox's death gift;
A stack of tarots about vampires,
Another stack of tarots owned by a sorceress;
There are many more suprises in store,
Which scare this man's friends even more;
Right now this man is feeling bummed,
Because he is not feeling calm;
This man wonders when he will,
Get his wild imagination to be still;
A warnng for all you scaredy cats out there,
Before you read Neil Gaiman you should put your imagination in "Neverwhere".

The Need to Escape

Life has been very busy lately...

Busy waiting for people to give me the green light to finish my assignments;

Busy getting frustrated with myself because I was kept waiting for so long;

Busy finishing my other assignments before their deadlines;

Busy with debate training and selection process;
Busy talking and discussing with walls;

Busy avoiding people i don't want to meet;

Busy avoiding my past who is haunting me now;

Busy taking up responsibilities when i shouldn't have;

Busy tellling everyone it's gonna be OK;

Busy trying to get un-busy... To no avail...

Feels like I can't breathe most of the time...

When I feel like I can, I'm constantly worrying that I will run out of air to breathe...

My favorite song now is Dido's 'Sand in My Shoes'...

At least it gives me a false and temporary sense of freedom when i'm listening to it...

I would be good if I can escape from everything and everybody now...

Wish i can just hit "Pause" right here and right now...

For as long as I desire...

Because I want to be anywhere but here...

On Presentation Slides

There was this one time no too long ago in UKM... I was forced to help one of my idiotic, lazy and irresponsible juniors to to her program proposals. After awesomely completed her proposels, I realised that we would have to present them to the school authorities to get the approval aka MONETARY FUNDING. I was too tired of using my brain juice to help her by then. Thinking that she must not be that stoooppiid... I let her do the presentation slides and was planning to let her present the proposals...

Then.... Mother of all horror!!!! She had to screw up the slides and she had to had a panic attack (due to her lack of preparation) while we were waiting in line. OMG!!!!

Goodness gracious! Our presentation slot were postponed. Not because of her, but because the school authorities grew tired of listening to useless, lame proposals.

So I took the liberty of helping her (again) to redo the presentation slides. And since she bailed and took her silly ass back to her hometown and also avoided me by refusing to answer my calls, I also presented the presentation.

Of course I nailed the presentation. Hence, we will be heading to Australia next year!!!! Sans my idiotic, lazy and irresponsible junior of course... Karma is a bitch...

Betrayal

I asked for your help
You said 'YES'
I gave you the instructions
You said 'OK'
I reminded you to be cautious
You said 'I'LL BE CAREFUL'
I worried about you
You said 'I WON'T SCREW UP'
I waited for you
You said 'I NEED MORE TIME'
I lost my patience
You said 'I'M ALMOST DONE'
I thanked you
You said 'ANYTIME BRO'

I thought you helped me
You were 'NOT HELPFUL'
I thought you followed my instructions
You 'DIDN'T'
I thought you were cautious
You were 'SO F*#@ING CARELESS'
I thought you were great
You were 'SCREWING AROUND'
I kept on waiting
You kept on 'WASTING MY TIME'
I lost my cool
You said 'YOU WERE SORRY'
I take back my forgiveness, because
You 'BETRAYED MY TRUST'\

P/S: I HOPE YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE...

Makin' Some Progress

So I'm still cranky. But I'm less combustive now that I'm making some progress with my works. Then again, I still got a long way to go in terms of completing my works. Last night I danced myself away to Katy Perry and Lady GaGa... Haha... Seriously don't know what I'm gonna do without my muses... I also had a weird dream in which I was a Vegas casinos robbers!!! It was so damn cool beside the part where I got capture when I was leaving Vegas with my moneys...


I also donated some blood after a long time... It felt great but I kinda hated the needles now. I used to watched the whole process when the nurse applies alcohol on my arm and then pokes me with the needle. I used to had a high when that happened. Now I just chickened off and looked away, far, far away... Chicken... Haha... Hey people! Please kindly donate your blood and also register yourself as organ donors! You'll be happy to know that you can help others more actually without even have to poke your wallets for money. Forget about the craps they told you about getting diseases when donating blood or the even crappier crap about going to heaven or hell without your eyes, etc when you donate your organs. That's a lot of cows and zero fact! Don't be selfish because your chickeness with needles will go away the more you donate blood. And you will not feel anything when the doctors retrieve your organs because you are dead anyway...


I am a huge supporter of equal rights between sexes and also gay rights. However, my encounter with a bitchy and horrendously fugly female lecturer the other day nearly changed my mind. It happened like this...


I was desperately looking for the toilet because I was carrying a huge load of pee... And I finally found it, a Male Toilet... Although it is meant for staffs only, I was too desperate to look further and besides, there was no staffs waiting to use it... So I switched on the lights and was planning to enter... Then I saw this nerdy Female professor coming out from her room and with her crazy eyes, Huge glasses and fugly dress sense she made her way up to me and was semi-shouting that "THIS TOILET IS MEANT FOR STAFFS ONLY." I told her that I was desperate and in an emergency because truly and honestly, my bladder was going to burst... But she just shoved away my explanation and continue to direct me to the students' toilet a thousand miles away from where I was standing... At this point, I was extremely cranky, literally combustive and absolutely annoyed (remember my sanctions?!). So I asked her "Madam, can't you see than I'm really really desperate? Why you insist on making a simple pee-pee so difficult for me?" (P/S: My brain was shouting "Biatch! Back off or I will shoot you with my urine right here right now! Back the hell off and evaporate!!!") And her reply nearly caused me a heart attack!!! I think I peed a bit in my pants... She said: "Because I need to use this toilet." SO, when the sign on the toilet says "FOR STAFFS ONLY", students can't use the toilet! THEN, THE SAME RULE SHOULD BE APPLIED WHEN THE SIGN ON THE TOILET SAYS "MALE TOILET"!!! That fugly biatch just went high and above by telling me about respecting the rights of staffs and then BROKE ALL THE RULES by entering the MALE TOILET!!! STUPID, FUGLY, HORRENDOUS BIATCH!!!!! KARMA is a BIATCH and SHE'S SO GOING TO GET TO YOU AND DRAG YOU DOWN!!! You just wait and see FUGLY BIATCH!!!

Having said all that, thank goodness I got my toilet break from the students' toilet a thousand miles away. And I was contended when the fugly biatch was criticized and grilled on by the other lecturers in a coloqium right after our encounter because she was being a total asshole of a supervisor to her Research Assistant cum PhD student. Matter of fact is, she was so damn humiliated that she left the conference room right after she was criticized and grilled on... My guess is that she went back to the same MALE STAFFS' TOILET to cry... Told'ya!!! Karma is a Biatch!!!!! Hahahahahahahaha... Evil Laugh... Hahahahahahaha...

Sanctioning Myself

It has been going on for too long... Too much TVs, too much drama series, too much sleeps... Now I am feeling so useless and incapable... Sigh... Hence, in the spirit to save myself from getting more and more and more miserably lazy, I'm starting a ONE-WEEK sanction on TVs, Drama Series and Sleeps on myself... From 8pm 3rd August till 8pm 10th August... I sincerely and truly hope that all my works will be done before my sanction ends... Fingers crossed...

P/S: Beware people... I'm so cranky and combustive now >...< Don't screw with me if you are not prepare to feel my WRATH!!!

Think but still stucked
Try but still failing
Angry but powerless
Sad but no tears
Depressed but stagnant
Frustrated but furtile
Speak but vague
Want but can't get

We Hate You Too!!!

Making my Perfect life Imperfect
Through your stupid accusations
That I'm not doing my works
That I'm not following our contract
That I'm lying to you
That I'm stupid

Turning me from Angel to Devil
Through your idiotic actions
In sabotaging my works
In stifling our progress
In making us wait to no avail
In your procastinations

Treating my Professionalism with Crappy Excuses
Through you and your empty scalp
Giving silly request
Giving unwanted interceptions
Giving baseless reasonings
Giving broken promises

We are not difficult
You are the difficult ones
We are not dumb
You make dumb people look smart
We hope you hate us
Cos we absolutely hate you too

Inside Joke

I'm afraid of children
They like me

I'm scared of women over 35
They wink a me

I'm terrified of St Jays
They chase me

I'm tired of my Awesome-ness
But I still adore me